I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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