you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
