We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
