The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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