Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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