I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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