What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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