I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I supernannyed him into submission
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
