Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
