So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
