It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So vagazzling was a success
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
