Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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