I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
