so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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