I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
