I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.