I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you win again, gameday.
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i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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