There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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