Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
