This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
