My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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