I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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