Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
