I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
