i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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