Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
