You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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