Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
