you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my shit smells like andre
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
