My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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