Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
