you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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