I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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