OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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