Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
