Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
