Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
