so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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