im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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