And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
