He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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