it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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