I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
