I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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