Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
