Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
