You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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