Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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