you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize