it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
tell me about the fingering
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