My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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