How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
