Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
