The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
