is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
