I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.