And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
