i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you