i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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