before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.