He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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