Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize