i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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