This dress was meant to end up on your floor
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Every concussion has its silver lining
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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