Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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