Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
