I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
