My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize