i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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