I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
