Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
