ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
