Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
